Flowers are a curse and the fact that we’re conditioned to think they’re an essential component of Valentine’s Day is a conspiracy perpetuated by Big Flower. Sure, they may look pretty, but when you’re given them you’re effectively having responsibility thrust upon you. Those colorful plants require constant care and attention, and even when you give them that they wither away and die anyway–just like all of my relationships.
Thankfully, there’s a way to get a your valentine a flower and not burden them with a month’s worth of upkeep-related tasks. How, you ask? Well, why not get them the greatest flower of them all: Piranha Plant. More specifically, get them a Piranha Plant Amiibo, which will require no additional taking care of as it’s made of some sort of plastic.
Admittedly, the Amiibo might not smell amazing or whatever, but let’s be real, flowers smell okay for at most a day; the Piranha plant is going to look like a badass deadly killer forever. Better yet, when you tap it on your Nintendo Switch you’ll probably get something good in the game you’re playing. If you smoosh an actual flower onto your screen you’ll just leave gross plant residue behind, and who wants that? In summary, real flowers are crap, Piranha Plant Amiibo is better.
Fun Fact: Venus, the Roman goddess of love, favoured the red rose, and it is believed this is why it’s so closely linked with love.